Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Friendly Head-butter

The ambulance call came in shortly after 2 a.m. "We're bringing you a 27 y.o. unresponsive male with a head injury and alcohol on board." Despite the patient's unresponsive state, the prehospital team's vitals for this patient were stable.

We prepared a trauma room for this patient, unsure if we would need to intubate the patient to protect his airway and get an appropriate work-up. Alcohol ingestion with unresponsiveness can mean something very serious and, until we had a chance to thoroughly examine this patient, we would provide him with every cautionary medical measure available. Of course, flipping the coin, alcohol ingestion with unresponsiveness can also simply mean "passing out." And as anyone who has worked in an ER setting can tell you, the majority of patients who come in with these similar symptoms are usually just of the "passing out" variety.

Soon enough, the prehospital crew wheeled this patient through our ambulance bay doors and rushed him to Room 18, where we were waiting to greet them. The patient was disheveled, laying on his back, his head turned over his right shoulder. The smell of vomitus was overwhelming, a mixture of bile, soured alcohol, and undigested food. On closer inspection, that was not a designer graphic t-shirt he was wearing but rather a run-of-the-mill Hanes t-shirt sprinkled with the remnants of his puking. Corn kernals included. His cargo shorts were hanging halfway down his pelvis.

As we moved this patient from the transport cot to our hospital bed, the paramedics filled me in with a little history. "Einstein, here," the one paramedic started, "was out tonight with a bunch of buddies drinking and having a grand ol' time." He paused for a minute, chuckling to himself, before continuing. "Somewhere around his tenth drink, his buddies said he started head-butting anyone who would let him."

"You mean people actually let this guy come up to them and head-butt a 'hello' to them?" I asked, incredulous at the thought.

"They probably didn't see it coming," the paramedic answered. "Supposedly, he's real quick with the gesture," he continued, "like a head-butting champ or something."

How's that title for making your parents proud? "Champion Head-butter, 2010." I don't think I would have a prouder moment than if one of my children came home with that award. Especially if it came with some cash. Throw in a tiara and a sash, too.

"Anyway," the paramedic finished as we began hooking the patient up to our monitors, "he head-butted one too many people. He walked up to another drunk buddy of his, slammed heads with him, and literally dropped. Before he hit the floor, though, somebody standing next to him was able to catch him and ease him down. Witnesses said he was out like a light."

I yelled in this patient's ear and was happy to see him stir. I rubbed his chest and pinched his toes to make sure he was appropriately responsive, and he was, trying to swat away annoying me. I listened to this patient's heart and lungs. All clear. I reviewed his vitals. All stable. I looked closely at his pupils, happy to find them appropriately reactive. I was reassured that he was in no grave danger.

Now I had time to do a closer, more focused exam, starting with his head. Hardly surprising, this patient had a large, erythematous abrasion on his forehead, the skin tense from some localized swelling. I pushed on it to make sure his skull bones were stable underneath, expecting nothing less than a hard-head from this patient. He didn't disappoint. I looked in his ears and nose. No blood. I pushed on his facial bones and found no other abnormalities. The rest of his exam was also unremarkable.

In essence, this patient was a drunk with a big "goomba" on his forehead.

Prior to leaving his room and ordering his CT scans, the patient began stirring. His nurse, fresh out of nursing school, greeted him. "Hello, Mr. Sanders," she said, "I'm Chrissie and this here is Dr. Jim. We'll be taking care of you tonight." I said "hello" to him while I nodded my acknowledgement.

The patient must have liked what he saw in Nurse Chrissie, turning his attention back to her. In an artificially deep voice, slurred slightly, and with a lopsided grin, he said, "How you doin', Chrissie? You can call me Larry." He pulled his hands through his hair, trying to straighten-up a little. Unfortunate for him, though, there is a limit to how appealing you can make yourself when you are drunk, sitting in a hospital cot, covered in a gray, threadbare hospital gown. Oh, with a big "goomba" on your forehead.

"I'm good, Larry," Chrissie answered, enunciating 'Larry', "and how are you doing?" "I got a massive headache," he answered her. Then, turning to look at me, he said, "Hey dude, how about some medicine for this headache. Jesus H. Christ, already." I felt like head-butting him. In a nice, friendly way, of course.

A few minutes later, after this patient returned from the CT scanner and was waiting for his results, a call came back from the waiting room concierge. "Is it okay if Mr. Sanders has a few friends come back and wait with him?" "Are they sober or drunk?" the secretary rightfully asked before giving her permission. "They might have had a few drinks," the concierge said, "but they are really respectful and concerned."

I was walking down the hall, coming back from seeing another patient, when I saw Larry's friends coming from the opposite way. I wasn't aware of the concierge call, but none of that mattered. I knew who these two guys were the minute I saw them. I slowed my walking pace, wishing that the fluorescent hallway lights were just a little more brighter so I could better appreciate their appearances.

Both of the guys were wearing fashionable jeans with flip-flops that clucked with every step, graphic-Ts, and, barring the sprinkles of vomit that covered both of their fronts, looked quite hip. But these weren't the signs of their brotherhood, of best buddies out on a late Friday night having a great time, now bonding in our ER.

No, that sign would be the matching "goombas" they both wore on their foreheads. Bright pink, two inches in diameter, and glaringly obvious under their shaved heads, their warwounds looked almost identical to the injury of our patient, Larry. Their friend.

I stopped them as they walked by. "Hey guys," I said, having a little fun, "what happened to your heads?" The one remained silent, intently watching his pacing feet, while the other spoke. "You don't even want to know," he said, shaking his head in disappointment. "Well," I said, "if you guys want to be seen or get a bad headache, let us know, okay?"

Soon after, Larry's CT reports came back negative for any injury. Outside of a bad headache and a nice-sized contusion/abrasion, he was getting off quite nicely. I went to the room to explain his results to him, and caught my breath as I walked into Room 18. With these three buddies sitting close together with their matching injuries, how could I not think of The Three Muskateers?

Larry, thankful for not having any significant injuries, started crying (the gut-wrenching bawling brought on by a stiff drink) and throwing around his apologies to anyone who would accept one. A tech walking by his room even got one. "I'm so sorry, buddy," Larry said. "For what?" the tech asked. "I just am," he replied. The tech kindly went and got Larry a box of tissues.

Finally, a sober friend came to drive them home. A female. Long brown hair, very sophisticated-appearing, wearing a warm smile. Evidently, she also had a great sense of humor. She exhibited a hearty, genuine, gutteral laugh, I'm told, when she walked into Room 18 to gather her friends. And had a hard time stopping.

At least the patient was a gentleman. She wasn't sporting a matching forehead "goomba"...

As always, big thanks for reading. Trying to keep things light this week. See you Friday...

17 comments:

911RN said...

Instant idiots...just add alcohol. 27 years old! Sounds more like the antics of a 17 year old but oh, well. Glad Larry was OK. What were they thinking??? At least, he was remorseful.

I, too, would have had to laugh if called upon to pick up the 3 Muskateer Goombas,or, how 'bout Larry, Moe and Curly (3 Stooges!:)

Common tale from the ER wth a different twist- thanks for sharing, doc.

Webster said...

The Three Musketeers? I was thinking more like The Three Stooges! (Oh, just like 911RN!)

Dr. Rob said...

A fine line between those who butt heads and those who are butt heads.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well bless their hearts (in my best southern drawl)...

(in my brain: idiots)

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Heather said...

It's so easy to call them idiots. But you saw through that...they are just friends...close friends...who, when you add the alcohol, are a bunch of Goombas.

Another form of love...the guy that will apologize profusely when he realizes how big he's messed up. With his friends holding his hand and taking him home.

rlbates said...

My first thought was of the 3 Stooges (like 911RN and Webster). Love your comment Dr Rob!

Katie said...

If the professional head-butt-er award comes with some cash, a tiara, and sash, I kind of hope Cole wins. ;-)

Are you sure those Three Mustakeers weren't my dad and his two buddies? This story is shockingly familiar to some of those he has told...

Oh, and thanks for the info for Mom. She was with a RN when she did it (ok, not at 2am when she stubbed it on the bedside table but in the morning) who told her to tape it, but I'll pass on what you said. Although, I'm not really sure I want her chasing me around again. haha

<>< Katie

Kate said...

Head butting? The line I love the most is, "I'm sure it sounded like a good idea at the time, huh?" And they always seem to say yes. Of COURSE it did!

Have Myelin? said...

Everytime now and then someone tells me Medical MJ is "evil". I have MS.

I never hear crazy stories of only MJ causing problems in ER's. Not drugs....just MJ alone.

So when I read stories about alcohol it is mind-boggling because that one is legal.

Chrysalis Angel said...

Now this post made me laugh. Thank you!!! I peeked carefully to see if I'd need my tissues or not. Yay! No tissues. :)

Tonjia said...

Same story, different twist! I havent had a head butting drunk before. LOLOL

I hope the DD had lots of towels in her car for these rocket scientists to sit on.

I would have put a foley in him just for kicks. :-) the new grad will learn...

Peter said...

Down in our parts, head butting an opponent is called a "Liverpool Kiss", and, can be given when either drunk or sober.

Take Care,
Peter

Karen said...

Now that's a buddy for you... matching goombas! LOL

Anonymous said...

Don't you think that life and time change people? I hope they'll find their "way home" after reading your post.

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